Five Wishes for the Australian Survivor Gods
The freight train of the Australian Survivor preseason rolls on! JLP is talking up a big game, the tribe names have been revealed, and our calls for a live finale and reunion show have already been answered! These are our next five requests to the almighty gods of Australian Survivor…
1. No more ‘Aussie mateship’
At risk of sounding like a broken record: this is Survivor, not Who’s The Best Aussie Bloke? The concept of ‘Aussie mateship’ was referenced ad nauseam last season, but does anyone other than Lee actually think it holds any weight within the game of Survivor?
“You have to choose the style of game you want to play, whether you want to be that American style-ruthless and switching on alliances, lying and cheating… Or do you want to play the Australian way which is sort of like that ANZAC spirit – mateship and loyalty and things like that.” – Lee Carseldine, Daily Mail Australia.
If Lee had watched any Survivor before featuring on the show, he would have realised that this is not groundbreaking terrain. The words ‘honour, loyalty, and integrity’ are often thrown around in US Survivor – most notably by Coach, who created the blueprint for Lee’s game in Season 23. The result for both players was the same: losing winnable games on the final day. There is no greater Survivor crime than lecturing the jury from a moral high ground. Just like in many other games, deception is a major component of Survivor and should be used to everyone’s advantage. Playing within the rules of a ruthless game doesn’t make you any less of a good Aussie in my opinion.
2. An Outrageous Montage of JLP trekking home from Samoa with the winning votes
Any long term Survivor fan will fondly remember the days of Jeff’s ridiculous transitions from final tribal to the live reading of the votes. With a smug grin on his face, Jeff would leave the contestants hanging then set out on his unconventional route home. My personal favourite from Season 9 involves him hacking his way through the jungle with a machete, skydiving out of a plane, and motorbiking across the US – all whilst carrying the voting urn! Sadly, we haven’t seen one of these virtuoso performances from the master in years, so it’s time for JLP to step up to the plate. Amongst other things, I’d love to see him riding across the country on horseback and/or dramatically sailing a small yacht into Sydney Harbour.
Jeff carries the votes on jet ski from Amazon to New York
Jeff skydives with the votes from Vanuatu
3. Fairer twists
Twists are an integral component of Survivor, and working out how to navigate them is often what separates the champions from the pretenders. Boston Rob’s deal with Lex to save Amber following a tribe switch in Season 8 (which he later reneged on) is a prime example of this theory. Although gameplay twists certainly introduce an element of luck, they remain fair by allowing all players the chance to react simultaneously and adjust their strategy accordingly.
The Australian castaways were deprived of this liberty on one occasion last year, when an announcement was made post ballot that the players with the most votes would be sent to the opposing tribe instead of being eliminated from the game. This twist in itself is great, but the contentious execution of it robbed the players of any decision making capability. The beauty of Survivor as a show is that it’s predominately player driven – too much outside meddling runs the risk of spoiling the contest.
4. Another marathon final immunity challenge
It was arguably the highlight of Season One – the brutal six and a half hour final immunity challenge, in which underdog Kristie began to stamp her authority on the game. The ‘hand on idol’ challenge is Survivor in its purest form: who wants it the most? It’s also a nice throwback to the original season of the US series, where in the same challenge Richard Hatch deliberately eliminated himself first, knowing that his most probable path to victory involved Kelly winning immunity and sending his ally Rudy to the jury. This intelligent gamble paid off big time for Richard (until of course he was sent to jail for tax evasion).
Sadly, since the incorporation of a final three format, these old school endurance challenges have fallen by the wayside in the US series. Fingers crossed Australian Survivor will deliver us another dose of nostalgic brilliance in the finale of this year’s season.
5. Day 55 mimosas!
There are few better ways to start a day than with the combination of cheap bubbles and fresh orange juice. The Day 39 breakfast feast complete with mimosas has been a hallmark of US Survivor since the early days, rewarding the finalists with a well earned dose of morning tipsiness. You would think that 55 days of deprivation would warrant the same treatment… Shockingly not! Although Lee and Kristie awoke to a hamper of snacks and juices on their final day, there was a disturbing absence of clean skinned fizz. If I was out there playing, this sort of travesty would be the biggest threat to derailing my entire game. Aussie Jeff needs to set things right with the finalists this year by hand delivering them a platter of morning cheer like the one below.
July 30 is approaching…
Stay tuned over the next week as we continue to countdown to the launch of Australian Survivor Season 2!
If you haven’t already, get to know all the new survivors by checking out my First Impressions Cast Analysis Series here.
Tristan Kelly is a 28 year old ex-doctor turned writer, based in Perth, Western Australia. During his final year of medical school he famously watched and analysed every available episode of Survivor (all 368 of them at the time), probably making him more qualified as a Survivor commentator than he ever was a doctor. In between writing and editing short films, he now spends most of his time organising various schemes, and fantasising about one day winning the game.